


Equilibrium

by DrJekyl



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/F, I hate coming up with titles for my own fade-to-black fic, OT3, early reationship, relationship discussion, trinity au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-21 13:37:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18142889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrJekyl/pseuds/DrJekyl
Summary: Shiala always knew, when they brought her into their relationship, that there would be limits to what Aethyta and Benezia would be willing to share with her.  She just hadn't expected those limits to rankle.





	Equilibrium

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SolarPoweredFlashlight](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolarPoweredFlashlight/gifts).



> Read [Trinity](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080146), by CourierNinetyTwo, the fic that started it all.  
> And for SolarPoweredFlashlight, who prompted this a good while ago

Jealousy was… unbecoming.  An emotion unworthy of her.  More than that, it was an emotion unworthy of _them_.

Shiala kept telling herself that, using the thought as a bludgeon against the tight, twisting, restless feeling in her gut, the one that saw her lying flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling, body still tense even as her breathing calmed and heart stilled, unable to fully enjoy the fading afterglow. Jealousy was unbecoming, unworthy.  They were already being exceedingly generous. She was both a late addition and an irregular fixture in their relationship; they were well within their rights to exclude her from certain intimacies. Sex was one thing; melding was another entirely. Benezia and Aethyta could draw a line and they did, each drawing back, sometimes from the very cusp of a joining with her.

Not with each other.  Just with her.

It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy seeing them together, even when they melded with each other.  Being invited to witness to such unguarded intimacy was extraordinarily intimate in its own right, and undoubtedly arousing.  But a small and increasingly vocal part of her watched each time and, each time, whispered of unfairness. She wanted to be in Aethyta’s place, to lose herself within Benezia’s mind, explore the depths hinted at in lesser melds and embrace the exquisite pleasure only such surrender of self could bring.  She wanted to be in Benezia’s place too, to discover Aethyta, reach and touch the core of her that lay buried beneath the quixotic and many-layered exterior, and solidify the emerging understanding between them.

She wanted them.  She wanted to be part of them.  Not the way they were part of each other, no, that was asking too much, but in some way that — _ugh_.

Jealousy was unbecoming, unworthy, _unnecessary_. No, it wasn’t just unbecoming and unnecessary: it was _ridiculous_.  Here she was, sharing a bed with two matriarchs—neither of whom were shy about lavishing her with attention—and the only thing stopping her from wallowing in ill-feeling was the knowledge that both of her bedmates would be far too astute to miss her doing so as she lay between them.

“Restless?” Aethyta said, walking fingers down Shiala’s bare arm, intent clear.  “What, didn’t we wear you out enough?”

“Not restless,” Benezia corrected, propping herself up on one elbow to better search Shiala’s face.  “Troubled. What is it?”

Shiala closed her eyes for a second and inwardly groaned.  Too astute to ignore her tension.

She could plead off.  Lying had never come naturally to her—and they were clearly too adept at reading her for it to be even worth trying—but if she said she didn’t wish to speak of it, she felt confident that they wouldn’t press.  Not right now, anyway. But when Aethyta’s hand upon her arm went from teasing to supporting, when Benezia’s concern-filled eyes caught her own and held them, Shiala’s momentary resolve to do just that faltered.  This whole affair—the three of them—was contingent on her being willing to tell them if she felt she needed more or other than what they were giving.

She sighed her surrender and turned over to snuggle back into Benezia’s side, Benezia’s momentary surprise lost to Shiala’s as she shifted to accommodate her, drawing her in close.  Speaking seemed like it would be easier if she couldn’t see the faces of either of them, their reactions. After a second, Aethyta moved too, and Shiala found herself, after another re-adjustment, comfortably spooned, her head on Benezia’s shoulder, Aethyta’s solid body against her back, arm around her waist.

“I want—” she began and swallowed when her voice cracked in a decidedly un-commando fashion.

“Yes?” asked Benezia, gentle, soothing.

“Watching isn’t enough anymore,” Shiala mumbled, all too aware she sounded like a slighted child.  “I want to meld. With both of you. That’s all.”

She could feel their surprise in a moment of sudden stillness, followed by a long silence.  Shiala closed her eyes and focused on the scent of Benezia’s skin, the lingering notes of Aethyta’s perfume, comforting hands and warm skin against hers.  Then Aethyta chuckled derisively, again rather more felt than heard, and Shiala’s heart sank.

“’That’s all’ she says,” Aethyta said.  “That’s _all_.”

“Don’t laugh, ‘Thy,” Benezia said, a sharp note to her voice, and Shiala could feel her tense.  “It’s a serious matter.”

“I’m not laughing at her, babe,” Aethyta said and, to Shiala’s surprise, pressed a kiss to her shoulder.  As nice as it was, some part of her seemed like it would always be just slightly taken aback when Aethyta showed her affection outside of the immediate context of sex.  “I’m laughing at _us_ for being dumbasses again.  We said we’d talk about it, and then we never did.  More'n once”

Benezia hummed thoughtfully, tilted her head so her cheek was pressed to Shiala’s scalp.

“You’re right.  We did, and then we didn’t.  Silence in favour of just letting things continue, uncomplicated.”  She hummed again, a note of clear disquiet in it. “That’s not acceptable.”

“Maybe,” Aethyta said and pulled away from Shiala to sit up, turning enough to see Benezia properly,  “We can talk now, though. Better late than never.”

“I suppose,” Benezia said, tilting her head back to look up at her bondmate.  Shiala immediately regretted the loss of contact. “What do you think?”

“Well,” Aethyta said, voice carefully neutral, “we know what _Shiala_ wants.”

Shiala’s heart lurched again.

Aethyta’s voice didn’t give anything away, that special tone she often adopted, Shiala had learned, when she was concerned that voicing her opinion would provoke an argument with Benezia that she wanted to avoid.  Melding _would_ be the sticking point.  Shiala could feel it. There had to be a limit to what Aethyta would tolerate with regards to her deeply beloved bondmate of decades.  It wasn’t that Aethyta and Shiala didn’t care for each other, more than she thought either of them had expected. It was, well, that Shiala _loved_ Benezia.  More deeply and completely than she’d ever loved anyone.  She’d never said as much to Benezia, not aloud, but Shiala was certain she knew.

Aethyta certainly did, because Shiala had told her.

“We do at that,” Benezia agreed, just as controlled, just as neutral in tone as her bondmate.  “And that’s important.”

And, of course, Shiala had immediately presumed that Aethyta would be the sticking point, not her bondmate.  But on what basis did she assume that _Benezia_ would want to meld with her?  Or let Aethyta do so? As much as Benezia was, by her own admission, enthralled every time she had the opportunity to watch Aethyta and Shiala together, she was almost always equally eager to reclaim Aethyta for herself afterwards.  And while Shiala didn’t doubt that she held a special place in Benezia’s heart, the matriarch was also intensely private and guarded in some ways. She could be harder to read than Aethyta when she wished. And inviting Shiala into their bed hadn’t even been her idea, to hear them tell it.  It was Aethyta’s.

And, _Goddess_ , they couldn’t have a free and open conversation about it with Shiala here.  They’d have to hold back, for fear of hurting her feelings.

“I can leave if you want to discuss it privately,” Shiala began.  “It’s not fair—”

Shiala gathered herself to get up, but Aethyta’s hand returned to her arm with a firm downward pressure at the very same time as Benezia said “No, stay,” and Shiala allowed herself to sink back against Benezia’s side.

“Besides,” Benezia continued. “I think we already know the answer..?”

There was another short pause, the texture of it different, somehow.  Benezia and Aethyta had been bonded for long enough, had melded more than often enough that words were often more of a convenience or even formality than a necessity.  Whatever passed between them, the subtleties of gaze and expression and touch, ended with Benezia relaxing back.

“Yeah,” Aethyta said at the same time Benezia said, “Yes.”

“Yeah, we can try melding,” Aethyta affirmed.

This time Shiala did sit up, looking from Aethyta to Benezia and back again.

“Are you sure?” Shiala found herself asking. “It’s a big—”

Aethyta cut her off with a roll of her eyes, even as Benezia’s hand found Shiala’s back to entice her to lie back down once more.  The moment she did, Aethyta spooned her again, warm and solid and reassuring.

“We’re sure,” Benezia said.  “Even if we’ve not spoken of it, I think it’s been on our minds for some time.  We both desire you. We’ve both taken you to the very brink several times, only to back away.  But if you’re to be a partner here, you must be a partner in all things.”

“Besides,” Aethyta added, “I’ve always wondered what the hell really goes on in that head of yours. Always so… _stoic_.”

Aethyta had a thousand and one stories that could make hardened commandos blush, and twice as many jokes.  But her true gift, Shiala considered, might well lie in her ability to make even the most innocuous word sound, not just sultry, but out and out _libidinous_.  Especially when she leaned over to whisper it in your ear, her breath hot against your skin so that the bottom fell clean out of your stomach.  Benezia’s amusement, evident in her barely-suppressed laughter, just made it worse, somehow, as Shiala, blushing, fumbled for and failed to find a comeback that didn’t risk being genuinely insulting.

“We’ll make a day of it,” Benezia said, evidently taking pity on her.   She tipped her head to touch her forehead against Shiala’s, a gesture which might have been soothing were it not accompanied by Benezia’s hand finding her breast.  “How does that sound?”

Benezia’s voice dropped into something dangerously close to a purr at the last, and her eyes caught and held Shiala’s, darkened and glittering with rekindled desire.  Shiala bit her lip to stifle her gasp, as much at the look Benezia gave her as the pleasurable jolt that came from the matriarch’s thumb lightly circling her nipple. _Goddess help her_.  It was one thing to know that the household’s matriarchs had a sex life so active it bordered on heroic; quite another to find yourself at the mercy of their libidos.  It was as exhausting as it was exciting. They’d already made her come twice tonight; a third round would almost certainly leave her a bit sore and sluggish tomorrow.

But that was tomorrow, still some hours away, and with Aethyta nuzzling the sensitive skin around her crests, she found herself increasingly hard-pressed to care about it.

“Good,” she murmured, belatedly realising that both matriarchs were waiting for an answer.  Her next question stuck in her throat initially. It seemed wrong to press for specifics, not when they’d already agreed to the request.  But, again, the three of them were contingent on her voicing her thoughts and concerns, and she was all too aware that even the most conscientious matriarchs tended to develop a very leisurely approach to time and timekeeping.  She swallowed, hard, and forced the words out.  “Sometime… soon?”

“Soon,” Benezia agreed, and kissed her until her head was spinning.

“How ‘bout Janiris?” Aethyta suggested.  Her hand alighted on Shiala’s hip again, this time with clear intent, and she allowed herself to be pulled over onto her back.  “It’s in what, three weeks?”

“Twenty six days,” Shiala corrected absently.  Her bedmates were both moving now, and some increasingly distant part of her, the part that was also worried about leading tomorrow’s dawn PT, wondered if she ought to be more concerned by how quickly her brain seemed to dribble out of her ears whenever she found herself between them like this.

“Whatever,” Aethyta said.  She winked and licked her lips, and hot anticipation curled deep in Shiala’s belly.  “Janiris. Call it an anniversary present.”

“Anniversary?  Benezia mused, smiling wickedly.  “And they say I’m the sentimental one.”

“Only ‘cause they don’t know you.”  Aethyta walked her fingers lightly down Shiala's hip bone.  “Whaddaya say?”

“I think,” Shiala managed, as Benezia's warm mouth found her breast, “the only appropriate answer”—she bit her lip, as Aethyta shifted between her thighs—“is ‘yes’.”


End file.
